I’m Satan, your host. I’m so glad that you’re here
There’ll be no good cheer. And there’s no more cold beer!
Reservations not needed. There will always be room!
We’ve added a wing for the great baby boom!
Walk-ins are welcome. But you will have to stay
For all of your evil, the price you must pay!
The sweat will pour out of each pore of your skin
Eternal damnation! Reward for your sin!
This is eternity, wear comfortable shoes
Bunions and hammer toes give you the blues
Heat stroke is coming. Life down here is the pits
Pot holders forbidden! And no oven mitts!
Misdeeds of a lifetime will take a harsh toll
You’ll stay here forever. No hope for parole
You constantly lied. And you did love to cheat
But –
Look on the bright side. It’s just a DRY heat!
Your soul has been lost. You have nothing to gain
Hellfire and brimstone will fry your poor brain
You may not believe it, but there is NO SMOKING
We don’t want our guests to be choking and croaking!
Snake room or spider room? We do let you choose
Whether Baptist or Mormon, or even the Jews
Everyone’s equal. All misery’s the same
There’s shame and there’s blame as you face the hot flame
NO whistling or singing allowed in this place
That ear-to-ear grin will be wiped off your face
No cutting in line, so you must wait your turn
Don’t be in a hurry. Forever you’ll burn!
Vegetarian hell: greasy slabs of charred meat
Carnivore’s hell: It’s all SOY! No treat!
Hypochondriac hell: They have never felt better
Except for their bladder. They are now a bed wetter!
It’s got to be hell, cause your ex-wife is there
You notice her boob job. She got a new pair!
You are not happy. They were bought with your money
Expensive implants made her everyone’s honey!
But you met your fate. Luck ran out, and you died
Your flesh has been baked. Then scorched, and then fried
A burnt crispy critter! Insert your own pun
Stick a fork in your bod. You’re more than well done!
You have now reached the end. All hope has been lost
For your wicked life, you must pay a high cost
Your sins and your punishment are closely related
But hell is ironic if you were cremated!
POETRY AT PLAY 