There are all kinds of farts. Some big and some small
Some loud and some soft. Some you can’t hear at all!
Silent but deadly are the worst of the bunch
Get a good whiff, and you’ll toss up your lunch!
Cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, and dairy
Open the windows. The smell is so scary!
Fermented bean curd can be quite corrosive
Not to mention the fact that it’s downright explosive!
* PEAS, LENTILS, LEGUMES, AND BEANS *
Like black, and like white, and like brown, and like green
Eat them too much, and you’ll blow out your jeans!
SOOOOO –
Grab your nose quick and then please hold your breath
Cause breathing THAT funk might just lead to your death!
There are places where you do not dare to pass gas
In a synagogue, at church, or during High Mass!
At a funeral or wedding, you must show restraint
Cause ripping a big one could make someone faint!
A moment of silence or during a prayer
An expulsion of gas can be a nightmare!
Reverence broken by a loud clap of thunder
Delivered with gusto and force from down under!
You should never start blasting. No, that is not right.
Cross both of your legs and clinch hiney cheeks tight!
Don’t let one slip out. It might come with a SQUEAK
Some people will freak, and some people will shriek!
A big bottom blaster can clear out a room
Sends people running with an earth-shaking BOOM!
Bombastic bangers when unleashed in a crowd
Offends everyone. They start swearing out loud!
Gas will blow covers right off of the bed
Grossly offending the one that you wed!
Make your wife mad, and there’ll be hell to pay
She’ll knock out those fumes with a lavender spray!
* FLATULENCE FUN *
Cleansing your colon of odor is sweet
You love to share it with others. THEIR TREAT!
There’s always complaining and disgruntled howls
When high-pitched whistlers –
Escape bellicose bowels!
There’s ominous thunder rumbling under your belt
It’s gruesome and ghastly. The worst that you’ve felt
A sudden sharp pain, and you jump with a start
But something is wrong! THAT IS MORE THAN A FART!